Letting go of grief: Is it as easy as it sounds?

Today is the day you realize the importance of letting go.

I was having this conversation with a friend about moving through grief. That conversation is a difficult one, mainly because moving through grief is not a black and white thing. There is no “one way cures all” approach, other than to let it ride out.

She wanted to enjoy the happiness she’d been feeling at this time, but felt bad because she was feeling happy again. To her, feeling happy meant she was forgetting the loved one she lost, and I felt the need to let her know that that is furthest from the truth.

We need to understand that we can be simultaneously joyous in our lives and hold onto the person we once had.

Yes, some days are better than others, that’s just how healing works. It’s like a roller coaster ride sometimes. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy in your life.

The real injustice is feeling like you have to punish yourself for it. Really what you’re doing is self-sabotage. You feel you don’t deserve happiness, so you cause yourself (consciously or subconsciously) to find ways to make sure you still feel the pain. What a dynamic, right?

So, I had to ask this friend to really think about what she was doing. I also had to ask her if the person she lost would want her to force herself to be sad, and because she was still in the emotion, she couldn’t give a direct answer. So there’s more healing to do for her, and that’s okay.

Sometimes, when it comes to going through the valley, it can be hard to see the beauty and blessings on the other side. I believe it’s because you’re too close to the problem. Maybe it’s time to take a step back, reassess, and ask God to guide you along gracefully. It won’t make the terrain any easier to hike, but He’ll give you the peace you need as you journey through.

What is something you’re having a hard time moving on from right now?

XX,

Tanaya

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